Blogmas Day 17 - Have a little awe
I can call myself a lot of things but boastful is not one of them. I’ve been writing in some capacity since I was 12 and it’s never been for any other reason than it always felt like something I was inherently meant to do. I wasn’t good at math, art class was my most dreaded elective, I wasn’t particularly athletic, and unless we were specifically talking about biology, science didn’t do it for me either. But English class always did it for me.
The written word, the origins of language, and the sound and rhymes of poetry lights me up. However, as I got older and read more and got sucked into social media, my relationship with writing changed. Combined with shifting interests and growing responsibilities, I became less and less dedicated to my life as a writer. The urge to express myself and process my thoughts and feelings via writing never shrunk, but the need to only share it when it was perfectly polished completely dwarfed the act of writing itself.
Fast forward to March of this year when I got the idea to start this blog after lurking around other blogs and newsletters. The itch to contribute my own voice didn’t settle until I pressed publish on my first post. Since then, I’ve written thirty-eight blog posts, including this one. The cadence of writing for this blog, and writing in general, has been erratic; a collection of fitful starts. Instead of focusing on the release of being able to articulate the whirlpool of my thoughts into a cohesive written piece of work, I chastised myself for being inconsistent and not sounding like other writers who were getting likes and comments that confirmed that what they’ve written was good and worth reading.
Eventually I convinced myself that the vanity metrics of engagement didn’t matter more than how it felt to get my words out of my head and into the world, but my confidence had already taken a hit. Even now, the only person in my personal life that knows that this blog exists is my husband who speaks life into me and my identity as a writer constantly.
I struggle deeply with acknowledging that I am a good writer. Even typing the adjective ‘good’ to refer to my writing makes my eye twitch. This isn’t a feeling I want to continue carrying. I’m releasing the pressure to create just to be seen and only sharing things when they’re perfect. I’m looking to adapt the attitude of awe when it comes to my writing. That just means looking at the things I’ve written from the point of view of someone who is looking to read good, clear writing that they can resonate or engage with in some way. Admiring the way I make connections between seemingly unbridgeable ideas. I even want to spend time admiring titles and structural choices because I believe those things also matter when writing to convey a message or idea.
So that admiration process starts right here with a roundup of the things I’ve written on this blog that:
- I really enjoyed writing.
- I was pleased with how it turned out.
- Like the title of.
In no particular order, here’s the List:
- Playing Hide n' Seek with Confidence
- Making space
- Choose a different door
- Ope! And now I’m sad
- Don’t perish on that hill
- Throughlines
- Blogmas Day 5 - What’s in and what’s finally out
- Blogmas Day Day 9 - What the worst of times has taught me
- Blogmas Day 15 - You’re an architect
A shameless plug and a lesson learned happening in one post? I think awe might finally be in the room with us.
Bye for now!
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